(Royal Knight Stories title graphic)
Volume 3

(Continued from Volume 2)

Table of Contents


Story 17: The Terrifically Terrible Thief

"Well." said Majisto. He studied the notebook for an hour. Finally he slammed the notebook closed with a terrific bang. "That's it!" he cried, "I think I know where to find the kidnapped guard. Knighty? Trickster?"

"Yes?" "Yes?"

"Search under the beds."

* * *

Knighty and Trickster came back holding the guardnapped kid, I mean the kidnapped guard. Trickster said, "Majisto, so far all we've done is find the guard. What about your ball?"

"Well," said Majisto with a sly wink, "I suspect that it is in the lair of pirate team 1."

"You do? How do you know that?" said Trickster, Knighty, the Royal King, and the kidnapped guard, all at once.

"Because," said Majisto, "look at the notebook:"

"In all of Legoland there are four teams of pirates. Their names are Pirate Team 1, Pirate Team 2, Pirate Team 3, and Pirate Team 4. Pirate Team 4 has re-4-med, and Cathy, its cook, is now with us. Pirate teams 2, 3 and 1 are still active. Today, Pirate Team 3 and Pirate Team 1 claim they have reformed. One pirate from team 3 and one pirate from team 1 were spotted yesterday near the crystal ball. When they were questioned today, both of them had excuses for why they were there. The pirate from team 1 said he had lost his way. The pirate from team 3 said that he had traded guard duty with the guard for the magic things. (The guard was nowhere in sight.) Pirate Team 2, at this time, is invading the Wolfpack's island. The guards to the castle are the pirate from team 3 and a different pirate from team 1. Only the pirate from team 1 was at guard when the ball was stolen, and he said that the whole morning he saw nobody come out of the gate."

(King Arthur's diagram)

"Look, the pirate from team 1 said that he had lost his way, right?"

"Right," said Knighty.

"And the pirate from team 3 said he had traded guard duty, right?"

"Right," said Trickster.

"Right," said the kidnapped guard, "and just when I was about to start guarding, I was grabbed, captured and thrown under the bed."

"OK," said Majisto, "and look here, the pirate from team 1 said he saw no one leave the gate. If he was honest, he would have said something about the fight. And that," Majisto said, and got up, "is why I think so."

"Well," said Trickster, "take us there."

"Honestly," said Majisto, "before that we must get the team 1 pirates out of our own castle, and hire some new knights to take their places."

Before long, two pirates from team 1 were running out of the castle followed by a stream of spears and arrows.

* * *

"Let's go," said Majisto, "I wonder if they'll be pilled?" (For the explanation of this weird word, go to Story 9: Touching up the Castle for the Royal Knight's code.) A giant ball of light appeared before them after a wave of Majisto's wand.

"Zadical!" said Knighty.

"Heh," said Majisto, "get in."

Knighty said, "How? Either there's no door, or my name's not 'Fnighty'."

Majisto said, "But of course there's no door ... all you have to do is walk inside." Knighty walked inside. Trickster walked inside. Fifteen Royal Knights ran after and hopped in, and the ball went rolling off. Majisto said, "Get your finger out of my eye, Trickster."

"Sorry," said Trickster, "and you, knight, stop bumping into me!"

"Why Trickster, I'm no ordinary knight, I'm the Red King."

"You are?" said Trickster with a laugh. "That explains why your face is so red."

The knight "Spear-magic" said, "Don't make fun of my brother!" and punched Trickster. Soon a large fight had started, and Majisto was hovering over all in the light ball, keeping a lookout.

Suddenly Majisto shouted "Look! An ogre!" Trickster, Knighty, Spear-magic, the Red King, and the other knights jumped so high that they crashed into Majisto from fright. "Kidding!" said Majisto. "But you should stop fighting anyhow, we're nearly there."


Story 18: Searching Super-Secretly

A little while passed, then they came to a lake. Fightology, the team's lake and plant expert, asked Majisto if there was a name of that particular lake. Majisto told him, "It's the lake of Cameandlost."

"Don't tell me that,"' said Spearalot, pointing to a castle in the middle of the lake, "is the castle of Cameandlost."

"So sorry to tell you," said Majisto, "but it is."

Manhorseback said, "Is there a stable of Cameandlost?" Majisto zapped him a book which contained all the things of Cameandlost in the world. "Let's see," said Manhorseback, "there are three castles of Cameandlost, 12 stables of Cameandlost, the village of Cameandlost, the town of Cameandlost, the city of Cameandlost, the fountain of Cameandlost, the East Star of Cameandlost, the army of Cameandlost (oh, and there are fifteen of those). Say, Majisto?"


"Why's it called 'Cameandlost'?"

"Because," said Majisto, "its very first King, Comeagain, came and lost his sword here. The second King, Icameback, found it in a pile of pesto. Then, King Icameback went and washed in the first fountain he came to, creating the fountain of Cameandlost."

Sir Swordandshield said, "That story is crazy!"

"Oh, by the way," said Majisto, "we're at the very first castle of Cameandlost." Above the sign there was a flagpole that was as high as the castle. On the very top of the flagpole, there was a red flag with a picture of a sword being drawn out of pesto. Then there was a picture of a skull and crossbones. Then, another picture of a sword being drawn out of pesto. Then, a flag with a slash through the middle, one side had a sword being drawn out of pesto, and the other side of a shield with a sword being drawn out of pesto on it, being hit by a sword. Then, another red flag of a sword being drawn out of pesto, then a skull and crossbones, followed by a red and black flag with two slashes, the middle part with a skull and crossbones, the left side with a sword being drawn out of pesto, and the right side having a shield embroidered with a sword being drawn out of pesto hit by a sword. Then, the very last flag: a skull and crossbones.

"Phew!" said Seealot, "that strained even my eyes. What is the meaning of them, anyway?"

"That's an owner's flag," said Majisto, "the very top flag is the first owner, the second the second owner, the third the third owner, the last the last owner, and the ones I didn't mention, just go from top to bottom and you'll figure out what order they're in."

"And the slashes?" asked Fightology

"Probably," said Majisto, "they're when the battle was longer than normal. Anyway, why doesn't someone go and knock on the door?"

"No sweat," said the Red King, giving Trickster a kick, "I'll do it." He walked right up and knocked, and then waited. A pirate looked from the lookout place. Using a weird machine, he dropped a large stone. Down it went, right on top of the Red King, completely covering him. Trickster (the crossbow expert, if you didn't know) took his crossbow out of his belt and shot the lock off the gate. Then everyone streamed out of the light ball and broke right through the gate.


Story 19: A Hike in the Woods

(Note: this is based on a picture-movie made by Sam.) While Majisto and the rest of the knights who came with him were adventuring, King Arthur, four crossbow knights, two halberd men, two Royal Knights who had nearly the same shape and different colors of horses and helmets, Yellow Banner and Red Banner (these are new knights who you haven't heard of), went for (see the title of this story). While they were passing through the woods, a gang of robbers spotted them and started hiding around their path. Then the Royal Knights came to a clearing. So did the robbers. As it happens, it was the same clearing. And a fight started.

The Royal Knight King jumped u(we apologize for the loss of your video program; we will continue with the audio)pon the robber who was on a horse, and threw her off. Then bang, a foot went flying right into King Arthur's face, practically knocking him over. By the time he got up, the woman was gone. Meanwhile, a robber disguised as one of his halberd men hit one of his crossbow men over the head. The foresters heard the noise and came to help. Sam has come to the conclusion that the next thing that happened was bang! baff! boom! crash! Then there was the aftermath of a battle. Scattered knights, scattered robbers, thrown-off helmets, thrown-off hoods, crumpled bandannas, and most of all, a bruised King.


Story 20: The Midnight with no Darkness

It was a bright and stormy night. Moonlit cold streamed through the windows of the Royal Knights castle. The lightning cracked, the thunder rumbled. The wind moaned like a ghost, and Knighty's son Nkighty could swear that he saw someone riding on horseback. In a second, the figure was gone, and only rain was where he had stood. Then CRACK! a lightning bolt hit the roof.

Unknown to the unsuspecting, frightened Royal Knights, the pirate army was marching towards them. When CRACK! lightning broke the window of Nkighty's bedroom. The castle shook. Nkighty screamed. There, covered with spooky shadows from the room around him, was that horseback rider, sounding altogether too much like a ghost. Nkighty hid his head in the covers. When he looked up, the figure was gone, and only the shadows were there. He rang the bell that was in nearly all the rooms of the castle. Two knights came running up in their pajamas. Nkighty smiled. Lancelot and Swordalot.

"What's the matter?" asked Swordalot.

"You won't believe this," said Nkighty, "it all started when my window cracked."

"It was the same with ours." said Lancelot. And then they both said at once, "And a spooky figure appeared." And then, also, at the same time, all three said "You too?"

And then DONG!!! They all jumped up and ran down to the gate. They heard the two guards muttering, "I just don't understand it. How could a lightning bolt cause a horseback rider to appear in front of us and then just disappear?" Nkighty shouted, "You too?"

"What do you mean, us too?" asked one of the guards.

"We mean," said Nkighty, "that's what happened to us, too."

DONG!!! "That's the sound the King's bell makes!" shouted Swordalot, and then they went running up to his room. When they got there, moonlight was streaming through the broken window, and the King was huddled in a corner pointing at the wall.

"Let me guess," said Lancelot, "a lightning bolt cracked your window, and a shadowy figure on horseback appeared and disappeared."

"Y-yes," said the King, "how d-d-did you k-know?"

"Because," said Nkighty, it's exactly what happened to u ..." DONG!!!

"That was the lookout!" said Lancelot. "I'll go there and you wait here." He rushed out the door.

When he got there the lookout was pointing, shouting, "There, pirates are marching towards the castle!" Then CRACK! a lightning bolt dropped in front of the pirates, and there in its place stood a shadowy figure on horseback. A scream was heard, followed by the yell "Retreat!!!" And that pirate army retreated, all right!


Story 21: The Conquering of Carefully Concealed Cameandlost

Meanwhile, back at Cameandlost, the Royal Knights had crashed into a line of pirates, equipped with all sorts of weapons. Soon a fight had started. A pirate shot an arrow at Trickster, who was trying to calm an armed-to-the-teeth monkey (and I do mean armed to the teeth -- he was laden with bananas which he planned to use his teeth on), but the arrow hit a pirate who was leaping at Manhorseback. Knightpañol whacked a pirate with a very long staff that was practically covered with foreign words, yelling "Adios, Amigo!"

Knighty attacked a pirate, but had a banana peel thrown in his face from the monkey. While getting the peel out of his face, he was badly vulnerable. A sword stabbed a banana peel into his ear. Knighty cried out in agony and toppled. Filled with rage at having seen one of his heroes toppled, Nighty stabbed the gloating pirate right through the chest. Deadeye Joe attacked the enraged Nighty and was stabbed in his only eye. A Royal Knight, slashing at a pirate, flipped a lever with his sword. Suddenly a section of the castle got blown sky-high, along with the Blue King and Half-foot.

Majisto zapped a pirate who was about to stab Sir Blabbingastin, turning his sword into a turnip. When the pirate started cursing and yelling "Jesus Christ!", Trickster said, "Tut tut, such language! Well, I can put an end to it.", and he did, with a crossbow arrow. Fightology, who was trying to make a copy of a map hanging on the wall, was kicking attacking pirates in between the legs. Spear-magic and Sir Blabbingastin were playing pinball with a pirate, throwing him back and forth.And after a little more fighting, everything was over. Knighty, the Blue King, Half-foot, Deadeye Joe and the other pirates were laying on the floor, and you could have heard a pin drop. The silence was broken by Knightpañol -- he yelled, "Look, the pirate king!"

"Address me as 'Dagger-Wound' when you talk to me, you ... you ... descendants of dragons, you rake-headed rapscallions, you treacherous terrorizers, you ... auuuggghh!!!!!" The pirate king had been stabbed.


Story 22: Rescue

Majisto sent Manhorseback to tell King Arthur that they had conquered carefully concealed Cameandlost, and to give him their best wishes. Meanwhile, Trickster and Spear-magic (still shoving each other), and Fightology went around looking for the magic bola. Then they came to a wall of jail bars. His curiousity aroused, Trickster looked inside. It nearly broke his heart to see (1) a knight with sword-being-pulled-out-of-pesto armor, (2) grownups and children, and (3) three crying babies, all chained to the wall. He beckoned to Fightology and Spear-magic, and pointed inside. Spear-magic waved Fightology and Trickster aside, and jammed her spear into the lock, twisting it all around (for a whole minute she did this). Then CRACK, the lock broke. Spear-magic shoved the door aside and rushed inside. Trickster and Fightology followed.

"Lazy guards!" said Fightology.

"Why?" said Trickster.

"Because," said Fightology, "they left the key laying over there, right out of the prisoners' reach." Spear-magic picked it up, but it wouldn't fit in the locks. Fightology said, "Well, that key was covering up a crevice in the ground, and there's a key in the crevice."

Meanwhile, Manhorseback had arrived at King Arthur's castle. His loyalty to royalty brought him panting up the stairs. Up he went, past Nkighty and right into the King's throne room, where the King was being entertained by a jester. "Your ... your ... yo-your ... ma-majesty ... Cameandlo-lo-lost is conquered!" And with those words, Manhorseback collapsed.And in fact, maybe it was good that he collapsed, for a spear whistled and broke through the window, flying through the space where Manhorseback had recently been standing.

King Arthur sounded the bell: DONG!!! He waited a little while and then Swordalot and Lancelot came rushing in. Before they could say a word, Arthur pointed to the spear. "This broke through the window and whistled past where Manhorseback here was standing," he said, pointing to the collapsed knight.

"Don't worry, King," said Swordalot, "we'll investigate." And very soon after they had gone down the stairs, King Arthur began hearing BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"That's my helmet, sire," said Lancelot, "it fell off."

* * *

CLICK! "Well, we got the prisoners free," said Fightology, "I think it's time to ask them where they live."

"We live here," said the knight, "and we're very hungry. Even though I am an Cameandlost knight, I can't stand any more noodles or pesto." For the first time, Spear-magic noticed that one of the corners was filled with bowls of noodles and pesto.

"Come on," said Trickster, "we'll find something you can eat."

"WAHHHH!!!!" It was a baby. His mother started nursing him and carrying him. Soon the group found the kitchens. There were all sorts of dainties, from eclairs to tangerines, from cakes to tea. The bunch had a meal and fell asleep from full stomachs.

* * *

"Oh Sire, the pirates are attacking!"


Story 23: The Outsider, part one

Long, long, long ago, in the days of the Horseback Knights, Sam put a Lego helmet on top of his head, and balanced himself over a Lego horse, held a Lego sword and shield, and started feeling very funny. Before he knew it, he was in the pink and purple castle. The first thing he did after recovering was park his horse outside the castle with the other horses. Then, the next thing he did was get acquainted with the Horseback Knights, such as King First, Sir Galleyite, Sir Plasmatie, Sir Messlivery, Sir Horainer, Sir Tyranorex, Sir Beonti, Sir Outaous, Sir Heseokemes and many others. Just after Sam had gotten acquainted with everybody, there was a cry from the lookout: "To arms!"

"What is it, Sir Lookutan?" asked King First.

"Pirates, that's what!" came the reply.

"To arms then!" cried King First. "Put on your armor! Mount your horses! And for goodness sake, will someone give that Sir Samuel some armor?" Someone did, and Sir Samuel put it on over his 1994 striped shirt.

* * *

"Attack!" cried the pirate chief.

"Defend!" cried King First.

Sir Galleyite's horse tripped and he fell off his horse. Sir Tyranorex skewed a pirate with his spear, lifted him up with his spear still going right through the body of the pirate, and then called to the rest of the pirates, "What? You want some marshmallows too? Take this one!" And he flung the pirate off his spear onto the rest of the pirates.

Sir Acrobati leaped up in the air, sailed feet first into a pirate, and bounced back onto his horse, doing a backflip. Two pirates rushed from opposite directions at Sir Samuel, but Sir Samuel avoided them, and each of the two pirates was skewered by the other's charging sword. Then a great sound was heard. It went like this: SKIWLLEWEREE! And then all was black. The Horseback Knights were ready to defend against any sudden attack, but instead of hearing themselves being attacked, they heard the pirates being attacked. But by whom? Then, day appeared again, and one half of the pirates were dead or wounded. Then the Horseback Knights set to work on the other half. Sir Aughaot used his sword to cut a pirate in half, and called, "Does anyone have some peanut butter?" Sir Yepat made his horse turn around in circles, spear down front, cutting all the pirates around him.

That was it: all the pirates. Then Sir Lookutan said, "Sir, I saw five pirates leave the field. They were carrying one of our noble knights."

"Thank you Sir Lookutan," said King First. "We shall send some knights to rescue him, and ... where's Sir Samuel?"

"I expect he was the knight who was captured." said Sir Brainal.

"Most likely," said King First. "Sir Galleyite is missing too."

Now let us turn our attention from the Horseback Knights and return to Sir Samuel. He had not been captured. No: he had been riding along since he had first seen Sir Galleyite be captured. Finally he saw a ship in the distance. It had a white flag with some black markings on it. Then a great noise was heard by Sir Samuel. It went like this: SKIWLLEWEREE! Then all was dark. Then a dark mysterious voice was heard. It said, "My son, do not attempt to rescue Sir Galleyite. He shall die. But there will afterwards be a much better knight than he, and of his own heritage."

But Sir Samuel was unshaken from his course, and said, "No. I shall not. I know that you helped us at that great battle, but now I think you're trying to lead me off my course. I shall try to rescue Sir Galleyite, because he was a good knight."

Then a large deep sigh was heard, and the darkness lifted. When he finally reached the ship, it had already set sail, and Sir Galleyite was never heard of again (until a certain story that will appear in volume 5). Then the darkness fell again, and Sir Samuel felt very funny. And when the darkness arose, he was in his own room with a Lego helmet on his head, some Lego armor perched on his neck, and a Lego horse underneath him. And because of the Lego armor that had appeared on his neck, Sam knew that it had not been a dream.


Story 24: The Second Losing of the Royal Knights Castle

"What would you say the average number of them was?" asked King Arthur.

"About two score."

"Darn," said King Arthur, "we need our conquering friends to come back now."

There was a cry from the lookout. "No time for talk, Sire -- the pirates are already sending up arrows!"

Arthur summoned Sir Mmfati. "My good knight," he began, "I know you are the swiftest knight among us now. Quickly, take up all your armor and as soon as possible, swim away through the moat and run as fast as you can to the nearest help you can find in as short a time as possible. Anyone."

Cathy ran up to the lookout after picking up two long ropes. These she fastened to the side of the battlements, and said, "My good lookout, when I say 'Up', heave these ropes up with all your might, and the same -- downwards -- if I say 'Down.' Please." After tying one rope to each of her arms, Cathy picked up her weapons, and told the lookout, "Down." Down Cathy went, sailing shield-first into the pirates. Her shield crashed on top of one of the pirates, stunning him. Taking the opportunity of the moment, she climbed up the stunned pirate, threw him back over her head, did a backflip at the same time, and landed on her feet while the pirate crashed into his fellows.

"Up!" Cathy yelled, and kicked a pirate in the chin. As soon as Cathy had been heaved back up to the battlements, Cathy gave a few short commands to the lookout: "Ring the bell! If Lancelot and Swordalot come, tell them to get the cook to bring two big barrels of vegetable oil." The lookout rang the bell, and Cathy said "Down!" Cathy went flying feet-first into the pirates, kicking two of them heavy blows. The next two pirates in line ran at Cathy, only to trip over the bodies of their comrades. Cathy hit another pirate with her shield, thinking, "Well, I knocked out four with two feet." Cathy hit all around with her shield, all the time yelling, "Up, Up!" Just before Cathy picked up speed going up, one pirate gave her a nasty slash on the leg.

The pirate chief happened to look up at the battlements, and saw the two barrels. "Run!" he commanded. "Drop your weapons to pick up more speed -- they're going to drop something!" The pirates all ran, leaving their weapons behind. Down came the vegetable oil, splattering over all the weapons. The pirate chief laughed. "Ah! It's only some kind of juice. They did a prompt good job of scaring us, though. Pick up your weapons, mates, and let's get back to the siege." The pirates tried, but as soon as they picked up their weapons, their slippery weapons slipped from their hands. One pirate called Cut-leg screamed, "Aaaaaaa!!! We can't pick up our weapons! We can't attack them!" The pirate chief cried, "Back to the stronghold -- we'll make some new weapons there."

King Arthur summoned Cathy, the cook and the lookout, after sending Swordalot as temporary lookout. "Friends, you did a right good job! The three of you against an entire fort of pirates, and you made them all leave. And how does this sound -- I'm going to hold a banquet in your honor. And don't you worry, cook -- all your assistants will make the feast. We want the menu to be a surprise for all three of you."

* * *

Sir Mmfati was in luck -- he had picked a random direction and started running, and in half an hour he had found the largest mountain in all of Legoland, with the huge wall around it -- the fabulous home of the Eagle Knights. He ran panting up to the main gate, and knocked loudly on it. The Eagle lookout peered his head over the battlements, and yelled, "Nope -- it's a Royal Knight, not a Skull Knight -- we can let him in."

* * *

The pirate army was marching again. Out of a hole in a sand dune by the ocean, the pirate army came. Doublewit, the pirate chief, said, "Right. Get on your costumes." The pirate army put on some grass-colored costumes and then started moving again. The pirate army was marching again. Finally the Royal Knights castle was in plain sight. "Start crawling, pirates!" yelled Doublewit. The pirate army was starting to crawl.

The old assistant cook brought one third of a strawberry cake that was double the size of the lookout. "Call us when you can eat no more, and we'll come and relieve you of that huge slice. And I suppose this thirty glasses should be enough lemonade. Oh -- and there's some peach juice, too." When the old assistant cook had left, the lookout picked up a layer of the giant cake and took a bite out of it. An arrow whistled over his head. The lookout spun around in surprise, and accidentally threw the top layer of cake over the side of the battlements. As the lookout looked over the sides of the battlements, the top layer of cake fell on the pirate army.

One of the pirates yelled, "Gaaaa!!! What is this on me!" and jumped up trying to wipe it off. "Up on your feet!" cried the lookout, "The pirates are attacking!" The drawbridge came down, knocking a few pirates into the moat. Swordalot and Lancelot rushed together at a pirate, but what had looked like grass tripped them up, and the pirate they were running at knocked both of them out. Pirates jumped out of some trees onto the attacking knights, hitting all about with swords, shields, spears, axes, halberds, cutlasses and all sorts of weapons, and ending with the knockout of many Royal Knights and a few pirates. Some Royal Knights noticed some movement in a tree, and went up to the trunk to start climbing it. The pirates in the tree dropped a big ball of bark on the Royal Knights, and they fell off the trunk, senseless.

Cathy came out of the castle dressed in a rather crude copy of the grass camouflage suits. After making sure she had put on some pirate clothes underneath, in case the battle turned towards the worst. The pirates fought valiantly, all the time slowly edging closer to inside the castle. Cathy edged slowly to the castle in the back of the pirates, secretly knocking out the pirates on her sides in the meantime. And suddenly, the pirates ran inside the castle, lifted the drawbridge, and quickly picked up the Royal Knights who had been swept in by the rising drawbridge, and put them in the castle dungeon.

*Continued in volume 4*


Copyright © 1996-1997 Samuel Dashiell Shemitz
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